In my last blog, I explored the different types of extramarital affairs ranging from emotional to a physical nature. As a next step, I would like to briefly review the the patterns, attitudes and beliefs around infidelity. When looking at marital satisfaction as a predictor of infidelity, there is a common belief, even amongst therapists that infidelity is the result of an unhappy marriage that is experiencing lower satisfaction. In following this line of thinking, this would suggest that meeting your partner's needs can therefore "affair-proof" your marriage. Well, to some degree this may be the case, but not completely. Although some studies have found that marital satisfaction is lower in some involved individuals, especially with women who are in the combined-type affairs, many individuals who are in an affair describe their marriages as "happy" - especially men in a primarily sexual affair. Glass and Wright (1985) reported in a non-clinical sample that 56% of the men and 34% of the women who were having extramarital affairs reported that their marriages were happy.
So, there is some research that exists suggesting that "lower" marital satisfaction is not always predictor of infidelity and that infidelity can occur within "happy" relationships. Shirley Glass, a couples researcher and specialist reports that "women were less likely than men to agree that extramarital involvement occurs in happy marriages and is not necessarily a symptom of a distressed relationship (47% vs 61%)."
When looking closer at the predictors between genders of what influences one to enter into an affair, women report specifically unmet relationship needs and men seem to be directed more towards individualistic attitudes around sex itself (Glass & Wright, 1992-Oliver & Hyde, 1993). Women's perception of a lack of love, then intimacy are identified as justification for extramarital relationships. According to Hyde & Oliver, men endorse a sexual justification for their infidelity.
When exploring the different codes for extramarital relationships, Buss (1994) and Francis (1977) suggest that the male code is more permissive about sexual involvement, and female code is more permissive about emotional involvement. Buss and Francis also report that husbands are more jealous of their wives' sexual involvement and women are more jealous of their husbands emotional involvement. As a result of this, men are more likely to deny emotional involvement and women are more likely to deny sexual engagements.
As a final thought, addiction to sex, love and or romance can be described as a compulsive drive towards excitement that temporarily relieves feelings of emptiness. An adult who has a history of childhood or adolescent sexual abuse can struggle with a sex addiction later on in life. Love, passion and romance drives the sex addict to seek the idealism of new relationships. Also individuals who have developed and avoidant-attachment style tend to seek out "one-night" stands according to Hazan, Zeifman, & Middleton (1994). Cross-cultural studies have reveled that a clear double standard exists between men and women regarding extramarital sex. Extramarital sex is "condoned" in men and "condemned" in women according to Penn, Hernandez, and Bermudez (1997).
In the next blog, I will move this discussion forward to explore and review who we assess and begin to work through this very complex issue.
Cheers,
Ian
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