Firstly, a child who does not want to attend school is struggling with a form of anxiety, whether separation or social, distress or even depression. Some commonly cited reasons for refusal to attend school include the following:
- A parent being ill (Surprisingly, school refusal can begin after the parent recovers.)
- Parents separating, having marital problems, or having frequent arguments
- A death in the family of a friend of the child
- Moving from one house to another during the first years of elementary school
- Jealousy over a new brother or sister at home
- Parents worrying about the child in some way (for example, poor health)
One area that has been researched as a predictor for a child to avoid going to school are learning disabilities and language disorder. Where these disorders are identified, supports and resources can be put in place to assist the child and support success strategies. Where learning and language disorders are not identified, children are at a higher risk of school breakdown leading to avoidance of their academic institution. Getting a child identified can be difficult. When a child does not want to attend school because it is "too hard" or "I don't get it" or there are other struggles in the their academic maturation, getting your child assessed by a licensed child and adolescent psychologist is critical.
There are problems in how we view and label children who are struggling to attend school. The term "school refusal", which is often labeled by the school system suggests a form of defiance. The term "truancy" is also another form of negative labeling suggesting a "bad kid" who is breaking the law with the legal violation of not attending school. The discourse around how we understand youth who are not attending school is significant in how we intervene with the youth. Although criminalizing youth who do not attend school has been seen in some areas as an appropriate intervention, does it address root cause for the actual behaviour itself?
According to Nick Jr. www.nickjr.com.au/page.php?p=21&pp=2&sp=21 he identifies what parents can do! It is important to get the child back to school, because the longer he is away the harder it is likely to be. Try to deal with the cause if you can work out what it is from the ideas above.
Some other things you can try, depending on the cause -
- You need to believe that your child will get over the problem and let your child know that you believe in him.
- Try not to let him see that you are worried.
- Listen to your child and encourage him to tell you about his feelings and fears.
- Let him know that you can understand how he feels.
- For example say, "That feels really scary to you".
- Don’t make fun of his feelings and don’t tell him that big boys aren’t scared - everyone is afraid sometimes.
- If you are not understanding, your child will find it hard to tell you when he is worried.
- Check what is happening at school with the teacher.
- Make sure your child knows that you will always come back - tell her over and over again if you need to.
- Let the child know you will be doing something boring at home while she is at school
- Be reliable and on time when picking up after school. Have a plan for times when you might unavoidably be late.
- Sometimes it is helpful if the child says good-bye to you at home and a friend’s parent takes her to school.
- Spending time with a teacher that the child knows well at the start of the day sometimes helps. It will give her something to take her mind off her worries and help her to settle in.
- Sometimes parents can help in the library or elsewhere in the school so the child knows you are near until she feels safe.
- Let the child take something of yours in her pocket to mind during the day (it need not be something valuable but needs to be something the child knows is yours and that you would not want to lose).
- Give the child as much control over the problem as you can - ask him what he thinks will help and then try that.
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